Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't deserve a penis
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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