i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
