On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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