I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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