please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
