He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
