still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
