I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Naked Twister starts at high noon
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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