Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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