I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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