I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize