you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
