Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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