cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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