I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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