my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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