you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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