Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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