....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Randomize
