Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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