worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
