It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
