Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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