shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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