hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
