is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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