A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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