I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
