i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
