You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
