kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize