So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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