I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
