New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize