Betty ford says i'm here all night
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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