I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
