our cab driver is having phone sex.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
