speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
