he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
