Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
