He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
