Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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