she was so not down for the gang bang
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
