I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
