and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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