Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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