I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
