i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
