Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
