are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
