Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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