Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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