the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize