he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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