There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
