Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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