do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize