The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You need Xanax blowdarts
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
