Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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