it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
