i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
