my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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