I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
