I wish you could order shots online.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
