google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
