i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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