I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm bleeding and have questions
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
