Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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