My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
