I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
