My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Who died my cat blue again?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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